History of Revolution in Pakistan

The most used (and abused) word in Pakistani political jargon is ‘REVOLUTION’.

Almost from the very inception of the country, this word has been thrown around by everyone from the politicos to the scientists to the army generals. It is the both the elixir and cure-all proposed by every successive regime.

Perhaps, the very first mention of the word was in 1940s. The struggle to break away from the both the dominant Hindus and the hated British was termed as a ‘REVOLUTION’ by the then Muslim League leaders. It was dreamed that this revolution will create a country for the Muslims of the region.

In the rush of snatching the country from the enemies, nobody bothered to actually define the revolution. Everyone thought that everyone else was on the same page. So like the proverbial soup that was spoiled by too many cooks, Pakistan became the country that we see today.

Even today, Pakistanis are confused about that first revolution. Was it an Islamic revolution or a secular revolution? Was it supposed to be a forward-looking progressive society or a strict religious regime?

This was however not the end of the usage of the term ‘REVOLUTION’.

The second revolution came when an army general decided to take matters in his own hands. This ‘REVOLUTION’ was brought by President Iskander Mirza in 1958. Promising a bright future, the president was silently shoved aside by the Army. General Ayub Khan took over the country.  This was the first time when the people of Pakistan heard the dreaded words:” Meray aziz humwaton” (My beloved fellow citizens).

The inventor of "Meray aziz humwaton"

Ironically, this was to be how speeches by all revolutionary regimes were to begin.

The next ‘REVOLUTION’ was in 1969. This time around, the revolution was spearheaded by the men in khakis. Instead of handing over to the speaker of the national assembly, General Ayub Khan entrusted the country to General Yahya Khan.

The result of this revolution was the separation of the eastern arm of the country into a new country, Bangladesh. According to the ruling elite and the learned scholars of the country, this was the first revolution caused by the hated and despised neighbor, India.

The next ‘REVOLUTION’ was brought by the hypocrite, Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto. His revolution was of torn shirts and blatant suppuration of the dissidents. His revolution was all about consolidating his regime and grooming his daughter into a political heir.

Bhutto had a great collection of suits, just like ex PM Gillani

Army though that it has a while since it had its own revolution, so in 1979, General Zia-ul-Haque decided to oust the revolution of Mr. Bhutto. General Zia thought that after all the hedonism of the Bhutto regime, the country was ripe for some religion.

General Zia ul Haque and his mustache

The religious ‘REVOLUTION’ of General Zia was all about making the newscasters on the national TV wear dupattas and making civil servants pray at least three times a day. This farce of a revolution finished when General Zia’s airplane blew up in a million bits. Soviets were the prime suspects, while Americans, aliens and crates of mangoes were also fingered as possible suspects.

Next came ten years of continuous ‘REVOLUTION’. This was the era of the Pink Princess and Baldy. The princess could not speak Urdu while the Baldy had trouble speaking English. This much publicized shortcoming was at the heart of this ten-year revolution.

Baldy

The Pink Princess

This was why the revolution of the Pink Princess was mostly financed by the US. Because of his very bad command over spoken English, Baldy went over to the Middle Eastern Oil Barons.

These two comics wreaked havoc on this Land of the Pure. Corruption (both moral and monetary) was the rule of the day. The country was about to collapse into a banana republic when the almighty protectors of the country woke up from their slumber.

The next ‘REVOLUTION’ was brought by the army. General Pervez Musharraf descended on the poor, broken, penniless country as the savior from the mountains of Rawalpindi. His revolution was the most entertaining one to date. He kicked the religious elements in the ass with his ‘Enlightenment’ theory. While the secular (read kafir!) elements were rejoicing, General Musharraf kicked them in the nads with his ‘Moderation’ theory.

One with the Khaki skin

The Land of the Pure saw his back in the aftermath of another revolution. Brought on by the Baldy and the Joker, this is the latest revolution the people of Pakistan have to endure. Joker proved to be sharper than Baldy and used the legacy of both Mr. Bhutto and Pink Princess to rule the country alone.

Brand ambassador of Dantonic

Baldy soon found out that the Joker was up to no good and decided to sulk in the corner. Joker paid him no heed and now Baldy is acting like a spoilt brat.

This is however not the last revolution in the country. Another revolution is in the making. This one is being gestated by the great Captain. Captain is supported by an army of social media savvy drones who fire a string of abuse and threats at any one who dares to defy the GREAT CAPTIAN.

Tall Claim Machine

I call this the Pink Revolution on account of the diluted socialist agenda of the Captain. However, if you look closely, all the talk about policies and white papers by the Captain are not worth the paper they are written on.

PEOPLE OF PAKISTAN HEAR ME!

THERE IS NO REVOLUTION COMING YOUR WAY. YOU MISERABLE SODS WILL TOIL AWAY FOR THE NEXT BIG REVOLUTION. THEN YOU WILL DIE AND YOUR BODIES WILL BE GROUND UP AND FED TO YOUR NEXT GENERATION.

THERE WILL BE NO REVOLUTION BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO MAKE ONE YOURSELF!!!!!